Spren, as the lovely and kind and incredibly awesome person that she is, put together a community all for me, which she told me about to be complete surprise. But I really can't keep these goodies to myself, as other people should get to read them as well (and also leave feedback! Because I can't say 'thank you' enough by myself).

Spren herself posted a gorgeous poem.

A Hisoka drabble by mistressrenet. G, a dark but excellent take on Hisoka and the other shinigami, and I just adore this story so very much.

Shameless Fluff by ravenbell. Tsuzuki/Hisoka, PG, and it's so cute and sweet; it's really adorable fluff of the very best kind. Squee!

Man, seriously. Y'all really are too good to me.

It's my birthday! Tell me you love me.

I was tagged by ladysisyphus! To play, start by listing 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself. When this is done, choose 10 people to be tagged and write their names at the bottom of your list. No tag backs! Those who get tagged then write their own 10-item list in their own journals. Be sure to include this set of rules.

1. When I was little, I was blonde and blue-eyed. I desperately wanted to have black hair and green eyes, as I was convinced these were the most attractive colorings. When I was around 12 or so, my eyes darkened and changed color slowly, over a year or two, and I currently have green eyes. (Well, dark green-grey.) A few years later, my hair started darkening, and has long since passed the point where it could be called blonde, though it's still more light brown than anything. If it ever reaches black, I will be convinced that I caused these changes through sheer willpower.

In retrospect, I probably should have wished for world peace instead.

2. I pretty sure I've never mentioned on livejournal that I have a tattoo. I got it last June, and kept waiting to get a photo to post, but I didn't have a camera, and once I did, I'd forgotten about it. Anyway, it's over my spine, down between my shoulderblades, in henna brown, and is the kanji for muichimotsu. But not because of Saiyuki! I'd wanted a tattoo for years and years, but could never decide what to get; no matter how much I liked something at the moment, there's just no way to know if I'd still like it in several decades. Twenty years from now, you won't be living in the same world, you won't even be the same person. So what better to get than something which means, essentially, 'changes happens'? I figure if I decide I hate it in the future, it will even be more appropriate. At the moment I answer questions about it by saying that it's a zen koan and sounding philosophical.

And by the way, getting a tattoo does not hurt At All. I was so surprised, because I'd been prepared to be macho and not mind the pain, and then it only felt like a papercut.

3. I memorize things very easily- I once took over the lead role in a play I was in when the lead actress was sick, because I knew all her lines just from having been at rehearsals. On the other hand, I'll forget it just as quickly. This is pretty much as annoying as it is useful, as most things you'd want to memorize are only useful if you can still remember them much later.

4. I try to keep my fingernails painted, because otherwise I'll pick the nails down to the quick.

5. I'm an Aries, a Rat (both the first in their respective zodiacs), and a first-born child. All of these agree that people with these signs should be leaders, aggressive, passionate, short-tempered, and possessive. I am none of these things. But, uh, it's pretty neat that they match up, even if they match up to someone who is not me.

6. I am actually really excited to see the Reno 911!: Miami movie. Shut up, Reno 911! is an excellent TV show which is way more funny than anyone gives it credit for. Forget Borat, these guys improvise too, and do a better job of it.

7. I only very rarely ask people for specific things, such as a favor or if they would like to go do something together, and will even be cautious of sending an email or calling someone, because it seems so personal, and to require such attention to be paid to me. I do this because I am secretly convinced that no one likes me, and don't want to turn into the person who hounds you and doesn't understand personal space and never goes away. I am pretty aware that the main consequence of all of it is just to make me seem avoidant though , and so I give everyone permission to ignore me if I seem formal or unfriendly; most likely I'm just trying to spare you from me.

8. I can put my foot behind my head! But only my right foot, which makes it a bit less impressive. Also, my thumb is double-jointed.

9. When flying in an airplane, I think the best moment is when the plane comes in for a landing- just as the wheels first touch the ground, the whole plane sometimes sort of bounces back up before settling down. That little skip is awesome.

10. Man, coming up with ten things is hard. Um. I hate how my voice sounds in recordings; I had a lisp when I was little, and there are still faint traces of it in how I speak. Most people (of those who hear it at all, a lot of people say they don't notice anything) end up asking if I was born in England or Australia- those two places far and away get the most guesses for the source of my 'accent', but I personally think it sounds like I am mentally handicapped. Which is the main reason why I won't make a voicepost reading one of my stories like I've seen other people do.

I tag: esrafil, kessie, mistressrenet, parallactic, redshoeson, shes_unreal, veleda_k, weirdquark, wesleysgirl, wolfpilot06!

So, it's the new year. Well, almost. It will be the new year in about eight hours, in my time zone. I like how that works; that it's still 2006 here while the year has already changed in other places. I first got the internet just a little before the new year 2000, when I was 15, and there was all that panic about the computers failing and Y2K and civilization collapsing and whatever. I'd been on a message board talking to people the morning of New Year's Eve, and the rest of the day various relatives kept bringing up the imminent doom and I would just say, "Nah, it'll be fine. I was talking to someone in Australia earlier, and they already passed midnight."

Too many things happened this year. I lost my virginity and got a tattoo, graduated from college only to immediately start graduate school, and moved far away from everyone I know. I had multiple family members die; I had my faith in humanity (what little of it there was) shaken by meeting crazy racist guy; people I know got married (!) and had babies (!!); I met people off of livejournal and had strangers be terribly nice to me. I'm probably forgetting a large number of equally important events.

Last year, for the holidays, I got a lot of people presents, or wrote them emails letting them know how much they meant to me. I didn't do that this year, because I am poor and I ran out of time. But everyone here has been even more important to me than before, particularly in the last several months. Things have been hard, more so than I like to admit, and everyone who has done something as small as leaving one comment or an AIM message or an email has helped me keep my sanity. If things have been bad, they would have been very, very much worse without you all, I can't say how much I appreciate that, or how grateful I am. Love you all.

So. My grandmother died this afternoon. That's all I know right now; I don't know when the funeral will be, or what days I'll be going home, or how exactly it happened or how people are dealing. (Me, I'm dealing by having produced the first 400 words of an incredibly angsty fanfiction, which I'll likely think better of posting, but which seems appropriate at the moment.)

I've been in so many airports these last few months. I don't mind flying, and I always get through security without a problem, but it all seems so drudging and tiresome. I hate these little details more than anything, I think. I want everything to stop and be shocked at death, I want the world to shake; all the normalcy of it is terrible. It makes it seem inevitable. Which it is, but it feels wrong that we would let it be like that.

I don't have much to say, but if I don't post now, I never will, so. Now you know.

You know, I am smart enough that it really shouldn't have taken me this long to make the connection that, if I keep getting upset and depressed on Sundays, it probably has something to do with the fact that all my social contact is on Mondays and Tuesdays. Even I don't like to be left alone with my thoughts for quite that long.

I'd say the problem would be helped if I had more schoolwork to do, but I certainly don't lack for that.

Regardless, I need to think of something to do about it; these days where it takes until after 5 in the evening before I manage to get dressed aren't helping anything. Though I suppose I could blame it all on the rain and chilly weather instead, as it can't really be November unless I've already made quite clear to everyone in range of hearing exactly how much I loathe the winter. I mean, it's dark by 4:30! The hell kind of day is that? I don't appreciate needing to turn on lights when it's that early, o seasons, or the turning of the earth, or whoever I can accuse of doing this to spite me.

I could quote poetry to make my point, too, as you all would probably appreciate that more than my whining (IMPORTANT NOTE: do you realize I could legitimately have Alec and Richard quote poetry in a story?! Clearly I have to stay in the fandom until I've made use of that at least once. I mean, come on, Hisoka and Sanzo would scoff at the very idea of poetry). Though I should lose my habit of posting this poem at the beginning of winter, as it's so much better suited to February or so.


My Worst Habit
Rumi

My worst habit is I get so tired of winter
I become a torture to those I'm with.

If you're not here, nothing grows.
I lack clarity. My words
tangle and knot up.

How to cure bad water? Send it back to the river.
How to cure bad habits? Send me back to you.

When water gets caught in habitual whirlpools,
dig a way out through the bottom
to the ocean. There is a secret medicine
given only to those who hurt so hard
they can't hope.

The hopers would feel slighted if they knew.

Look as long as you can at the friend you love,
no matter whether that friend is moving away from you
or coming back toward you.

***

Don't let your throat tighten
with fear. Take sips of breath
all day and night, before death
closes your mouth.

I just found out that my other grandmother- the one who didn't die last month- has a massive 'mass' on her brain, and they can't even biopsy it, they're not even going to try, they're just going to send her home.

And oh god. I don't know. This hurts so much worse than the last time. This isn't fair, not to her, not to anyone. I hate this. I don't know. She raised me, a lot, because both my parents worked fulltime, so she picked me up from school and kept me till they came home, and I spent the summers at her house.

Please say nice things to me. But I don't want to talk about it; maybe later, but not now. And isn't it stupid, but I'm so glad my roommate is gone, because I'm being noisy as I cry and I wouldn't want anyone to hear.

...did someone recently buy me paid time? Because, if so, thank you! And I am terrible for not having noticed sooner!

(The only other explanation I can think of is that when my time expired, livejournal automatically charged me from my old, now empty bank account. And so I have multiple reasons for appreciating the gift, which will mean I don't have to pay overdraft charges.)

I will repay you however you want, if you have a request!

Hmmm, I can't decide if I want to go out tonight or not.

On the one hand, I've got a little bit of a cold, and I'm not entirely certain that I feel healthy enough to dance for a few hours.

On the other hand, I'm already in the sort of bitter, nasty mood I get when I haven't socialized enough (but my roommate apparently never leaves her room and I haven't yet reached the level of accosting acquaintances in my classes with "Please spend time with me!!"), and I know it'll just get worse if I don't go do something. Plus, I am bored.

And that, really, is why I feel the need to share this dilemma with livejournal.

AGH COCKROACH IN THE KITCHEN AM NEVER EATING AGAIN