(no subject)

[brigdh]

The Ten Commandments of Fandom by ausmac, via minakochan. Pretty funny.

*smiles blearily at you all* Well. I am sore, and tired, and out-of-it, but clubbing continues to be the best thing EVAR. I went out for a friend's birthday last night, and it was a lot of fun, especially since we got to go to some places that I'd never been before. I adore dancing. And when it's all hot and sweaty, and the place is packed, and the good music is playing- the new stuff, my favorite stuff- then yeah. There's nothing like it.

That's kind of strange for me. I was very much the kid who had no coordination, who was completely clumsy and graceless. And I never went clubbing even once throughout high school, because of various complicated reasons. So now, to be able to do it, and often, and well, is weird. But cool.

In a segue that seems perfectly logical to me, I'm going to talk about Clubsoka now. I was pretty much finished with the first chapter, more or less ready to ask people to beta it. Except, of course, that coming so close to completion means that I must panic and rethink everything and have multiple existential crises over the goal of AUs and details of characterization and the meaning of writing and "What am I trying to say with this story? And if I don't have a deeper theme, is there a point to writing it? Why am I writing it in this tense when I know it bothers some people? Do I want to spend the thousands of words on it that it'll take if it amounts to nothing more than a kink fic? What if I should just let it go and write other things, which would be better and deeper and not feel quite so incredibly self-indulgent? Wouldn't this idea be better off left as a daydream, rather than a novel? Does god exist? What is the meaning of life?" (All my existential crises are linked. It's rather sad that I manage to connect theology and fanfic.)

I think I'm mostly over it now. But I ended up deciding to change a rather important detail, in order to bring it more in line with canon (I had been writing Hisoka without empathy. But I think maybe I shouldn't, because I don't have an explanation for why he wouldn't have it.) Of course this is going to necessitate big changes, particularly in his relationship with his family, and possibly in the entire plotline. (Would someone with empathy have random sex? Would they even be capable of it? It'd take far different things to motivate him than it would for a normal person, at the least.) I don't know. Gah.

I do apologize for talking so much about this here. I feel guilty, especially since I have no work to show for all my talk. Feel free to ignore me, it's just that I sometimes need to talk out loud about things to help myself think, and I wouldn't want to corner someone and force them to listen to me babble.

There's a frost warning up for tonight. I weep now. If you haven't already heard about how much I hate winter, be prepared for months of whining.

Comments

[ranalore.livejournal.com]

Would someone with empathy have random sex? Would they even be capable of it?

I've known people with empathy who do (not as strong as Hisoka's, but Hisoka's level is incredibly rare in RL). For most of them, the emotional kick they get from intimacy with a stranger is like a drug. And most of the time, they have a preferred personality type, just like a preferred alcoholic beverage, and so they modify their own behavior to attract that type. Depending on the empath's particular gifts, such encounters can cross the line into empathic vampirism, but Hisoka in canon doesn't seem the sort of empath who can actually absorb other's emotions into himself. Even if the emotiona impact him like a drug, the other person never seems drained.

I don't think you should feel you have to apologize for discussing your story in your own LJ. I certainly don't apologize when I do it. I mean, that's what it's for. *G*

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

Ah, that's very interesting. I've never known anyone who was empathic, but the way you describe it, I definetly could see Hisoka doing it. I think I've spent so much time looking at ff.net-type stories where of course empathy means sex is this completely magical, special experience with twu wuv and 'OUR SOULS R BECOME OEN!!!1!' to really step back and look at it logically. *grins*

I don't think you should feel you have to apologize for discussing your story in your own LJ. I certainly don't apologize when I do it. I mean, that's what it's for.

Heh, yeah, well. I just feel like it's *all* I ever talk about, and didn't want to become boring.

[ranalore.livejournal.com]

Ah, that's very interesting. I've never known anyone who was empathic, but the way you describe it, I definetly could see Hisoka doing it. I think I've spent so much time looking at ff.net-type stories where of course empathy means sex is this completely magical, special experience with twu wuv and 'OUR SOULS R BECOME OEN!!!1!' to really step back and look at it logically. *grins*

Ah, the many hazards of spending time at the Pit of Voles. *G* Most of the empaths I've known make a point of having a pretty varied love life, starting as early as possible, just so the experience is less intense and draining. Some of them are too sensitive for that to be an option, but it seems the ones who can, do, just to minimize any potential weakness.

Heh, yeah, well. I just feel like it's *all* I ever talk about, and didn't want to become boring.

Hey, it's your project, and you're excited about it. I don't think there's anything boring in that. But then, it's a project that interests me, so it's possible I'm biased. *G*

[goddessgrrrrl.livejournal.com]

Honey, it's a blog. You could make it into a Brady Bunch Spectacular if you wanted, and no one would have a right to complain! Write what you want!

And yes, clubbing is oh-so-fantabulous!

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

XD Thanks. I just didn't want to be, you know, boring or something.

And it is! Yay, clubbing!

[coffeeandink.livejournal.com]

Yes, I hate it when writers talk about writing.

*blinks*

I did wonder about Hisoka's empathy in the shorts. Random suggestions: (1) Due to some kind of unspecified trauma, he's completely suppressed it and/or built more effective walls than canon-Hisoka could -- something which will of course break down in the course of the plot; (2) He uses sex as a drug -- focus on the sex and he doesn't have to deal with any of the other emotions/memories he's perceiving.

[mistressrenet.livejournal.com]

Both of those are brilliant and much better than what I was going to say. I especially like the thought of suppression-- then you can still get his traumatic childhood in (and all the bitter, because ClubSoka seems plenty bitter) and do all sorts of interesting thing from there.

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

ClubSoka is, like, the definition of bitter.

I'm still a bit annoyed by how it affects his relationship with his parents, though. I had been writing it as more sullen- still of course angry and distant and harsh, but with a sort of wish that they were closer.

With empathy, that all gets a bit buried under the total rage of "you LOCKED me in a fucking BASEMENT". Which is okay, just... different.

[mistressrenet.livejournal.com]

He could suppress the basement-rage too, I suppose, then you'd get both kinds of bad. But I'm evil.

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

XD

But evil is so much fun!

[mistressrenet.livejournal.com]

Word.

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

#^^# Well, when you put it like that, it does sounds kind of silly...

I did wonder about Hisoka's empathy in the shorts. Random suggestions: (1) Due to some kind of unspecified trauma, he's completely suppressed it and/or built more effective walls than canon-Hisoka could -- something which will of course break down in the course of the plot; (2) He uses sex as a drug -- focus on the sex and he doesn't have to deal with any of the other emotions/memories he's perceiving.

Oh, those are very good. I like the second one particularly, if just because it's very, very close to Hisoka's motivation even when written without empathy. I'm excited about it, though, now that I'm over the trauma of having to rewrite yet again. I think there's a lot of very interesting things to say about how his empathy works, and plenty of neat ideas and moments that could come from it.

[childofatlantis.livejournal.com]

... because we all so HATE to see people talking about our favourite characters and what they're doing with them? ;)

As for the empathy - maybe during sex, everything narrows down, he can block everything out, use the other person's mind as a shield. And maybe, even if he won't admit it, he snatches glimpses from their memories, of love or family or home, to substitute for his own lack.

Also, *glomp* - I love winter, but I admit it gets depressing around February.

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

Yes, well, I- you all have such good reasons for why I shouldn't be embarassed to post about this! I give up. I'll post about it constantly, just to prove it could be boring. :p

As for the empathy - maybe during sex, everything narrows down, he can block everything out, use the other person's mind as a shield. And maybe, even if he won't admit it, he snatches glimpses from their memories, of love or family or home, to substitute for his own lack.

Aww, yes. I like that a lot. Thank you. I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to come up with a believable explanation for the random sex, but I'm beginning to think it's very possible.


Also, *glomp* - I love winter, but I admit it gets depressing around February.

Meh. It's cold. And snowy. And dark. And cold. And all I want is the sticky-hot glare of June and July.

[call-me-ishmael.livejournal.com]

Although I'm disappointed that ClubSoka will be delayed a bit, I think that ultimately it'll be better for it. Hisoka's empathy is a big part of him and I can definately see why you'd change things and include it. After all, a club with bubbling emotions would be much different to an empath, even if he just rides on them instead of rejecting them. (But other people have covered that, so I'll hush up.)

I say have people read the non-empathy version and give feedback about it. Another opinion can really help, and might make the transition easier. I also think you should preserve the original version somewhere (for comparison, if nothing else.)

Good luck with writing it, and I'm still looking forward to the fic. It'll be good whatever you do, because it's you. ^-^

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

Well, hopefully it won't be delayed for too long. The first chapter, at least, doesn't need *too* much revision, so that might be out soon.

I'll definetely keep the original version, if just in a copy of my hard drive. I rarely delete anything; usually there's always something I can reuse, even if it's just a metaphor or single line.

And awwww, thank you. #^^# That means so much to me.