(no subject)

[brigdh]

Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

I didn't think I was going to care. I really didn't, I thought I was cool with the whole show ending thing. But, but... it's over. It's really over, and that means no more Buffy ever and ever. And ever. And, and... wahhh!

Anya! Oh my god, Anya! And Robin, and Faith, and Spike and Willow and Angel and Andrew and Xander and everyone!

And all the potentials, everywhere. Oh my God.

I've lost coherence. This is okay, because there is no. More. Buffy.

And oh my God, I even liked Kennedy. I have never liked Kennedy, but I did here. And, and... wahhhhhh! Don't end, don't end!

I stole an idea from fox1013 and changed all my icons to Buffy icons. Buffy. My first love.

Buffy was my very first fandom. Buffy was the first place I ever even heard of fandom. And I don't know if I'd be in it at all if it wasn't for Buffy. And what would I be doing right now then? Chances are good I'd be getting drunk with my roommates while watching whatever-the-fuck reality show is currently playing. (I think it's Top Model, or Married by America, or something with a lot of girls discussing who weighs too much.) I wouldn't be me. I wouldn't be the person I am.

It's over! I can't believe it's over. Really over. I saw the movie when it was in theaters, you know. God, I must have been about ten, because I remember it was rated PG-13 and I was all excited that I got to go see a PG-13 movie. And I've been watching the series from the very first episode. That was when I was in seventh grade. I can remember doing my homework while watching it, or telling friends to call me later when it started.

I remember watching Surprise for the first time, and being so embarrassed because my mom was watching it with me and there was S-E-X.

I remember loving Spike/Dru all through that season. It was my first OTP. And I was only thirteen/fourteen at the time. This may explain some important things about me.

And God, Becoming. Becoming. TV doesn't get better than that. "Take all that away, and what's left?"

"Me."

*sob*

The mayor! Faith! Spike with a chip! "Love isn't brains, children, it's blood."

God! God! How can this be over?

I remember watching Hush, by now well into fandom, and calling Willow and Tara as a couple by the end of that one episode.

Tara! God, no more Tara! No more Willow! "You think you know. What's to come, who you are. You haven't even begun."

And Season Five, and dearest Dawnie. Dawn! Dawn. And Spike in love with Buffy. The Buffybot! The Body. Why didn't this win an Emmy? It should have won an Emmy, damnit. "I just... I just don't understand."

And the Gift. God, if I thought Becoming was angsty...

"She saved the world."

"A lot."

And Season Six, where they brought back a character from the dead and actually made it work. Once More with Feeling, which I've watched so many times I could recite the whole thing by heart. Spuffy, in all it's wrong, bad, destructive glory, and God, but it was wonderful to watch. Seeing Red. Tara. Spike.

"Bored now."

And wasn't it a physical shock, didn't it make you cringe, didn't you gape in wonder at that? At black thread that sewed his lips shut so he couldn't even scream. Even if Two to Grave/the Grave didn't quite deliver on what Villains started, those last three minutes...

And all of this year.

All of it, the whole thing, from Welcome to the Hellmouth to Chosen. It's all... it's such a part of me, of the stories I tell and even the way I talk.

I can't believe it. It doesn't seem real, that there won't be anything to hurry home to watch on Tuesday nights anymore. There won't be any new Buffy reviews to read on LJ. There won't be spoilers for next season to avoid, blank tapes to have to buy, new screencaps to icon-ize. Because it's done. It's been seven years, and it's done. Everything it was, everything it might have built up to, is over.

I miss it.

Comments

[vampyrecandy.livejournal.com]

I think I know what you are refering to ... *drool*

My plan for the summer is to watch all the eps. So, here goes!

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

Good plan. But, um, don't give up if you don't like Season One. There was lots of bad there. But it gets much better in Season Two, and this last year- Season Four- was amazing.

[vampyrecandy.livejournal.com]

Sounds good. I am eagerly awaiting episode 2 so that I can get up to season 4. I am fairly anal in that I really would prefer to watch them all in order. Which means that I *will* watch them all in order.

:-)