Since everyone else is doing it...
Apr. 25th, 2003 02:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brigdhAngst. It's a popular topic lately. ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mpoetess talks about it, stakebait defends it, and it's popping up in other places, but I'm too lazy to go get the links.
Personally, I like angst. It's what I tend to write and read. That doesn't mean I don't like fluffy stories, I have a huge soft spot for stories that made me feel warm and cuddly and where everything goes right and everyone's happy. I like angst- well-written angst, not angst for the sake of angst, where characters are twisted out of recognition and the plot makes no sense- because it can be powerful, it can make you sad. And isn't it great that a story, some words about things that never actually happened and people who don't exist, can make you feel something? So for me, even when I'm feeling sad over a story, there's always an undercurrent of joy for experiencing it, of wonder about how the author managed to create it.
I'll read the darkest, wrongest things. Character death? No problem. Hell, I even write a character death in my next fic. I think part of it is the way I look at fanfic. I see it as fundamentally different from canon or original fic. In fanfic, ultimately, the characters are never affected. They are in that story, but there's still every other story out there, there's still the "real" character, the one who lives in the source and in our heads. And a story can't change that.
Hmm, I don't think I'm explaining this well. Take Angel and Wes, for example. How many first time stories are there about that pairing? A hundred? A thousand? And then there's all the stories that people never finished, or never bothered to write down, or that never became anything more than a half-formed daydream. Every single one a different situation, different dialogue, different emotions. And every single one of these stories is equal. Not in quality or writing, but in its importance to the characters. A million different Angels and a million different Wesleys, and none more important than the others. So if one of them dies, or if a few of the stories end badly, what does it matter? There's still 999,999,995 of them left. And killing off your version of Angel doesn't do a thing to the version of him that lives in my head.
I'm a big sappy romantic who really only wants to see everyone end up with their twu wuv, and in my head, in my daydreams, they always do. My muses spend all their time boffing like bunnies and snuggling in front of the fireplace. No story, even if it's one written by me, is going to change that. Because if I kill Buffy off in one story, that doesn't mean I can never write with her again.
To me, angst reinforces the happy muses. Reading an angst story is like being Dorian Grey (no, seriously, let me explain). You get to see the picture of yourself going all old and wrinkly, but you stay fine. I read the angst story and think "Wow, that would have been really bad." And then I go back to my muses, and they're all the happier because they know how it awful could have been. Seeing the elderly portrait makes them feel so much younger and healthier and prettier. So the more sad things I read, the more they have to appreciate about their "real" life.
And this was how I felt about angst for years. Never read a story that was too angsty, because it would always just end up making me happier. Until about a week ago, and I'm not going to say what story it was, because it's not her fault that she wrote something that squicked the hell out of me. I've been thinking about it, wondering why it bothered me so much. How can I complain that someone was angsty while I'm in the middle of writing character death? But I think I've figured it out.
In most angst fics, something goes wrong- someone dies, the couple breaks up, a bad decision is made- or there's regret that things aren't another way- if only he loved me back, if only he wasn't a vampire, if only she wasn't the slayer, if only I hadn't said that. And that's where my muses live, in the "if only", in the place where everything went right. But in this fic, that place didn't exist. Everything was fine and happy, they did love each other, and it still all went to hell. They were still shattered to pieces. And that's why I couldn't take it. She went where I lived, where everything was good, and twisted it all up. And not in the good way, not in the "Wow, that story actually made me cry!" way, but in the "Fuck off, you just perverted everything I believe in" way. Which possibly is me taking a fic a little too seriously, but at least I understand why now.
And this is incredibly random and tangential, but it's my two (more like ten) cents.
mpoetess talks about it, stakebait defends it, and it's popping up in other places, but I'm too lazy to go get the links.Personally, I like angst. It's what I tend to write and read. That doesn't mean I don't like fluffy stories, I have a huge soft spot for stories that made me feel warm and cuddly and where everything goes right and everyone's happy. I like angst- well-written angst, not angst for the sake of angst, where characters are twisted out of recognition and the plot makes no sense- because it can be powerful, it can make you sad. And isn't it great that a story, some words about things that never actually happened and people who don't exist, can make you feel something? So for me, even when I'm feeling sad over a story, there's always an undercurrent of joy for experiencing it, of wonder about how the author managed to create it.
I'll read the darkest, wrongest things. Character death? No problem. Hell, I even write a character death in my next fic. I think part of it is the way I look at fanfic. I see it as fundamentally different from canon or original fic. In fanfic, ultimately, the characters are never affected. They are in that story, but there's still every other story out there, there's still the "real" character, the one who lives in the source and in our heads. And a story can't change that.
Hmm, I don't think I'm explaining this well. Take Angel and Wes, for example. How many first time stories are there about that pairing? A hundred? A thousand? And then there's all the stories that people never finished, or never bothered to write down, or that never became anything more than a half-formed daydream. Every single one a different situation, different dialogue, different emotions. And every single one of these stories is equal. Not in quality or writing, but in its importance to the characters. A million different Angels and a million different Wesleys, and none more important than the others. So if one of them dies, or if a few of the stories end badly, what does it matter? There's still 999,999,995 of them left. And killing off your version of Angel doesn't do a thing to the version of him that lives in my head.
I'm a big sappy romantic who really only wants to see everyone end up with their twu wuv, and in my head, in my daydreams, they always do. My muses spend all their time boffing like bunnies and snuggling in front of the fireplace. No story, even if it's one written by me, is going to change that. Because if I kill Buffy off in one story, that doesn't mean I can never write with her again.
To me, angst reinforces the happy muses. Reading an angst story is like being Dorian Grey (no, seriously, let me explain). You get to see the picture of yourself going all old and wrinkly, but you stay fine. I read the angst story and think "Wow, that would have been really bad." And then I go back to my muses, and they're all the happier because they know how it awful could have been. Seeing the elderly portrait makes them feel so much younger and healthier and prettier. So the more sad things I read, the more they have to appreciate about their "real" life.
And this was how I felt about angst for years. Never read a story that was too angsty, because it would always just end up making me happier. Until about a week ago, and I'm not going to say what story it was, because it's not her fault that she wrote something that squicked the hell out of me. I've been thinking about it, wondering why it bothered me so much. How can I complain that someone was angsty while I'm in the middle of writing character death? But I think I've figured it out.
In most angst fics, something goes wrong- someone dies, the couple breaks up, a bad decision is made- or there's regret that things aren't another way- if only he loved me back, if only he wasn't a vampire, if only she wasn't the slayer, if only I hadn't said that. And that's where my muses live, in the "if only", in the place where everything went right. But in this fic, that place didn't exist. Everything was fine and happy, they did love each other, and it still all went to hell. They were still shattered to pieces. And that's why I couldn't take it. She went where I lived, where everything was good, and twisted it all up. And not in the good way, not in the "Wow, that story actually made me cry!" way, but in the "Fuck off, you just perverted everything I believe in" way. Which possibly is me taking a fic a little too seriously, but at least I understand why now.
And this is incredibly random and tangential, but it's my two (more like ten) cents.
