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brigdhCurrently I am supposed to be writing a paper, so of course I am making long posts to livejournal instead.
Despite it continuing to be far too cold, I've been thinking about summer a lot lately. There is nothing certain past the end of the month, but that's so soon. I can't not wonder, or try to plan; when I'm thinking about something else and my mind wanders to half-conscious daydreams of 'in June I'll do this, in July I'll do this, in August I'll do this...', but there are no details to fill in any of the blanks. And I get irritated when people ask, because I have nothing new to say, I haven't heard anything new in months. Not that it's their fault, but I'm tired of always having to say, I don't know. Everything is waiting, waiting to hear about grant applications, about dates, about plans; waiting for specifics from people who are waiting to hear from other people who are themselves waiting on other things, and meanwhile time passes and I keep feeling like I must be missing a hundred deadlines, that something's going to be too late before I realize it.
I'd like to know, for instance, if I will even be on the appropriate continent when my apartment's lease runs out, or if I'll have to move my stuff into storage months earlier and then apartment-hunt from out of a hostel when I return. I'd like to know if where I'll be this summer will have access to electricity, cell phones, the internet, letters, or if I'll be entirely cut off again for months, which seems so much less appealing than it did last time. I'm tired already of having no one nearby who I know well; I don't want to spend months starting yet again with an entirely new group of people.
I walk around, sometimes, and wonder where I'll live next year, and watch the lovely buildings. And there's a lot of them in my part of the city, the old, interesting ones, with the big windows that have carvings around them, and elegant, individual structures, and glimpses of bookcases or tables or lamps inside. That's what I'd like, but I know I could never afford it. So I think, well, I only need a tiny corner of a room, it's not like I own any furniture. And I think, I wouldn't mind not having an elevator, not having air conditioning; I make these intense, carefully thought through decisions of what I would and would not be willing to sacrifice, as though all that matters is deciding, and then there would be such a place. And then I read through apartment ads on craigslist and depress myself.
Despite it continuing to be far too cold, I've been thinking about summer a lot lately. There is nothing certain past the end of the month, but that's so soon. I can't not wonder, or try to plan; when I'm thinking about something else and my mind wanders to half-conscious daydreams of 'in June I'll do this, in July I'll do this, in August I'll do this...', but there are no details to fill in any of the blanks. And I get irritated when people ask, because I have nothing new to say, I haven't heard anything new in months. Not that it's their fault, but I'm tired of always having to say, I don't know. Everything is waiting, waiting to hear about grant applications, about dates, about plans; waiting for specifics from people who are waiting to hear from other people who are themselves waiting on other things, and meanwhile time passes and I keep feeling like I must be missing a hundred deadlines, that something's going to be too late before I realize it.
I'd like to know, for instance, if I will even be on the appropriate continent when my apartment's lease runs out, or if I'll have to move my stuff into storage months earlier and then apartment-hunt from out of a hostel when I return. I'd like to know if where I'll be this summer will have access to electricity, cell phones, the internet, letters, or if I'll be entirely cut off again for months, which seems so much less appealing than it did last time. I'm tired already of having no one nearby who I know well; I don't want to spend months starting yet again with an entirely new group of people.
I walk around, sometimes, and wonder where I'll live next year, and watch the lovely buildings. And there's a lot of them in my part of the city, the old, interesting ones, with the big windows that have carvings around them, and elegant, individual structures, and glimpses of bookcases or tables or lamps inside. That's what I'd like, but I know I could never afford it. So I think, well, I only need a tiny corner of a room, it's not like I own any furniture. And I think, I wouldn't mind not having an elevator, not having air conditioning; I make these intense, carefully thought through decisions of what I would and would not be willing to sacrifice, as though all that matters is deciding, and then there would be such a place. And then I read through apartment ads on craigslist and depress myself.
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Re: there's something about Cyprus
Date: 2007-04-13 10:30 pm (UTC)The apartment thing: I do appreciate that they are willing to arrange housing for people's first year here, since it would have been even more of an experience to try and find somewhere to live from several states away. It's annoying that they don't do more than that (particularly compared to, say, Columbia, which I've heard is willing to give much more help), but I suppose there are benefits to the system, too. Even though my apartment now is much larger and in a better location than anything I'll find, it does have a very impersonal, dorm-feeling to it, and it'll be nice to move out of that.