Random thoughts

[brigdh]

I finally managed to force myself to start writing that paper at around 1am last night. By 3:30, I'd written all six pages of it, around 1,700 words. I... did not know I was capable of that. I had assumed I just wouldn't be sleeping last night, but I suppose this is far preferable, if surprising.

I've decided that the issue I have with this linguistics anthropology class (and possibly all cultural anthropology!), is that everything is either so entirely abstract and vague that it could be applied to anyone anywhere, and thus is almost meaningless, or is so context- and culturally- specific that it can't work outside of this one place and moment in time. And then people try to use either set of evidence as a way to generalize about people's thoughts, and it makes me flail and go No! You can't know that! You're just guessing! It's certainly interesting to say "every speech act is intended to do more than one thing", but where do you go then? You can't set up any general theory of social meaning off of that, and so I never have anything to say. I want proof and statistics and graphs! I want to talk about which models best fit the physical evidence! Which clearly is why I'm in archaeology instead, and I suppose at least now I know.

Anyway, louiselux posted a link to the Gender Genie, which can supposedly guess your gender based on a sample of your writing. I've been playing around with it, and the different results that come up are insteresting. This paper was very male (M:2786/F:1400), my last livejournal post was slightly male (M:723/F:699), but my last story was pretty female (M:695/F:1106). Which clearly proves that, when speaking in my own voice, I'm a guy, but Richard is a girl*.

Or something.

Currently I'm wasting a few hours before I go out to meet people for karaoke (yeah, I don't know, it wasn't my idea). Given that I've finally written all these papers and so on, I will have free time this weekend! I'm excited. I have interesting posts I've been thinking about and planning, and can take a look at the stories I've got half-finished, and hopefully polish them off. Plus, Remix assignments come out on Saturday! I'm all anxious.


*After I thought of that joke, of course I had to stick the only piece of Alec-POV I've written into the system to see what would happen. Though it was too short to work well, Alec is apparently male (M:232/F:155). Ha!

Comments

[b-hallward.livejournal.com]

I want proof and statistics and graphs! I want to talk about which models best fit the physical evidence!

I like hearing about your classes -- you get all the Oh, that's nifty and none of the papers.

Ahh! Remix! I'm dreading Saturday and horribly impatience at the same time.

Hee. Richard is so a girl.

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

I like hearing about your classes

Really? I figured mentioning them must be terribly boring, at least without more context; I was just trying to articulate something that had been bothering me. But I'm so pleased to hear you find it interesting.

Isn't it terrible? I want to get the assignment so that I can start working, and yet I'm so afraid of getting someone that will be difficult. Pretty much the same way I feel before every assigned ficathon like this, really.

Squee! Have you read it, then?

[b-hallward.livejournal.com]

Never having done remix before, I've got first-time jitters on top of the usual assigned ficathon/slow writer angst. And I have the terrible feeling I'm going to over-think myself into strange, dark corners.

Yes, I just finished it. And if I were still adopting new narrators, I would so write Richard. Alec is a great character, but Richard... I think he has the potential to be an almost Tsuzuki-scale love. And the universe is fabulous -- injustice, indifference and decay are such kinks of mine. I don't want to read the sequels -- the ending satisfied me -- no, what I want now is fanfic. Or I would, if remix weren't only hours away.

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad to hear you like it! And now that you've said it, I do feel like I should have guessed Richard would appeal to you; he does feel so much like one of your narrators. Fanfic, at least, is much more available than it was a few months ago, and since I do not seem likely to stop producing it any time soon, it will always be there after Remix.

I've been complaining about Remix anxiety to a whole crowd of people for the last few days, so I think these nerves must be normal. And I did the over-thinking thing last year, so I can only hope that this time around things seem less complicated. But now! The assignments could come at any moment. It's terrible.

[b-hallward.livejournal.com]

It's the combination of deep feeling and insane amounts of repression/detachment. He's always playing such shell games with himself. God, when he finds Alec's left and all he'll think is that he's relieved and that, regardless, life will go on as it had before. Or when Willie finds him at Marie's and Richard can't help but have his heart race when he thinks Willie's seen Alec, but refuses to think anything or let his self-possession slip. Refuses to acknowledge it. Things like that just slay me.

The assignments could come at any moment

I know. It's dreadful. I'd hoped to sleep in long enough to avoid this, but, no, now I've just got to sit here and jitter.

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes. The entire week or so Richard spends when Alec's gone- walking through his normal activities and very carefully not missing him- and the scenes in the trial and afterward! When Alec is right there and Richard still won't think about how much he wants him! It breaks my heart.

[p-zeitgeist.livejournal.com]

Plus, Remix assignments come out on Saturday! I'm all anxious.

Is this a reasonable place for me to admit that I'm all envious of rm, because if I read the signups correctly she knew what hers would be the instant signups closed, and has not only no week of nerves, but a week of extra writing time?

I was going to say that you shouldn't be as anxious as the rest of us, because (again, unless I missed something, which is entirely possible with 300+ signups) you have a 50% chance of knowing who you're going to draw. The only reason I hesitate now is that if I were doing the matchups, or the algorithm for matchups, I'd try to avoid having pairs of writers assigned to each other. Which would mean kessie drawing rm, and throw you back into the wider anime pool with the rest of us. On the other hand, I'm not doing the matchups or the algorithm, so who knows?

Not that I'd want you to think that I'm overthinking this or anything.

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

*grins* I think you've thought about this more than I have. And you can certainly be envious of rm if you'd like, though I suspect she's the sort of writer who wouldn't be anxious over this sort of thing even if she'd had an extra week of waiting instead of one less.

But yes, that's the same place where I become uncertain. If I get sorted into Swordspoint fandom, I must get rm, but if not, I have a whole range of people I could be assigned to. I suspect musesfool does go out of her way to avoid pairs like that, but I don't know how much time or effort she'll have available to prevent it from happening this year, with the huge amounts of sign-ups. And there are probably all sorts of other things influencing my chances as well, such as the number of other Saiyuki and Yami no Matsuei writers, and whether either of those groups will need an extra person or not.

Currently though, I'm worrying over whether it'll be worth bothering to keep up the anonymity if kessie and rm and I do get assigned to one another, or if even trying to do so would be silly.

[kessie.livejournal.com]

...I would actually find that very funny and would probably cave and admit it. But then I'd freak over having to find a beta. :))

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

*laughs* Yeah. I don't think we'd fool anyone, so we may as well. Though at least I'm lucky enough to have several people I can make beta Swordspoint for me.

[veleda-k.livejournal.com]

Hm, apparently "Best Friends With Benefits," my Watari/Tsuzuki story, is masculine, while "Haircut" is feminine. Which makes sense, actually.

It's times like this when I regret not qualifying for remix. Then I remember how freaked out it would make me, and I figure that I dodged a bullet.

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

I still need to read 'Best Friends with Benefits'! Another reason why I am looking forward to having free time. But that's sort of neat, the way it worked out on gender lines like that.

Heh. I like it, though it does seem to create a bit more angst than the average ficathon. But there's always next year to sign-up and worry with the rest of is!

[rm.livejournal.com]

Richard is _totally_ a girl. The intense self control thing is all about no one finding out!

hey, speaking of Richard and the dance fic problem -- would Alec ever(especially early on) think it was funny to drop some drug or otherinto Richard's drink? And if so, would Richard forgive him?

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

Hee! I would expect Alec's vocal habits to be more girly, though. He does all these flashy, ornate things with language that make me think female (though I wonder what that says about my gender categories). I wish I knew what the program was actually analyzing, but I don't care quite enough to buy the article off of the NY Times website.

Hmmmm. I think Alec would, in general, think it was funny to get people drunk and/or drugged. But if he knew Richard disliked that loss of control, to deliberately bypass Richard's consent seems crueler or more trust-breaking than Alec seems to go for.

Also, now that I think about it, Alec seems to be more about provoking people into breaking their own boundaries than doing things to anyone. So I don't think he would, unless he was actually trying to make Richard angry at him. And though I don't know if Richard would never, ever forgive him, I think he'd be really upset.

[rm.livejournal.com]

I completely agree with you, and wish I didn't. Dammit, i want Richard fucked up, trying to blame someone else, and sort of into it, hence his intense irritation. Grah.

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

Well. You could have someone else drug Richard, and have him assume (because of early-relationship angst or whatever other reason) that it was Alec?

[rm.livejournal.com]

Harder to find a motive, but hey... that's a realy good idea. This is like the fucking rubik's cube of plot bunnies, this mess of a thing.

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

He accidently picks up a glass that was intended for someone else? Some sort of date-rape drug someone was trying to take advantage of him with? A poison, but he doesn't get enough to be sick, just high? Someone star-struck by his reputation buys it for him, and Richard takes it without realizing what is is (because it's in a drink)?

[rm.livejournal.com]

The stupid accident version is probably the least "Draco is a cutter" option. Heh.

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

Ha! Yes. Though they're probably used enough to people trying to kill them that it wouldn't have to cause melodramtic angst.

[p-zeitgeist.livejournal.com]

Okay, I was totally staying out of this, but I can't resist jumping in for just an instant here.

The thing is, if he thinks it was Alec, I'm inclined to think that the relationship is over before it starts. There isn't much I don't believe he'd forgive, but that? Never, never, never.

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

No, jump in!

You'd certainly have to clear up the confusion before the end of the story; it wouldn't work at all to have Richard just continuing on thinking Alec had drugged him. But I'd think you could use it for just long enough to start a fight and/or get the plot moving. You could even twist it as a moment of trust, if you could get Alec disturbted enough to say, 'No, I would never do that', or just had him worried over Richard's safety.

(Also, we're talking about early relationship in terms of the first few weeks, not the very first night they meet, in case that makes a difference.)

[p-zeitgeist.livejournal.com]

Well, maybe. I'd never rule out the ability of a good writer to make something work.

It still strikes me as difficult, though. Even if we're talking about a few weeks in rather than a few days in, there hasn't been time to build up much of a reservoir of trust. And this would be a big, big deal. So I'd think that both the obvious ways it could play out would be problematic, in story terms. Either the confusion/misidentification is cleared up instantly, in which case the story isn't about Richard thinking Alec has drugged him at all, or else it isn't, in which case I'm thinking that at best, Alec is going to have to work very hard to even get an opportunity to clear things up.

This is a guy who doesn't even drink to the point where he can feel an effect from it. Being drugged, I have to suspect, would be something that at best would have him cutting off a relationship with no further discussion. And that's if he didn't kill the offender just to make sure it wouldn't happen again.

[rm.livejournal.com]

There is one question though -- and this is _why_ doesn't Richard drink particularly. I mean is it just in his nature, or is it a reaction to something. And if it's something, what's that something?

[p-zeitgeist.livejournal.com]

See, my snap answer would be that in a way it's a combination of all of those factors. Everything in the books suggests that Richard's approach to the sword is that of an artist as well as of an athlete: he's acutely aware of what he's doing, and cares about doing it perfectly according to his own visions of perfection. And he's living under circumstances where he's never able to be sure that he won't be fighting in just a few minutes. So unless he really, really loves the effects of alcohol -- and there's no indication that he would -- both his own nature and experience are going to lead him to avoid it to the extent one reasonably can in a pre-industrial setting.

The analogy that springs immediately to my mind is that of drivers using cell phones. Lots of pretty decent drivers will do that, and will even protest bitterly if proposals are made to stop them from doing it. Research indicates that it does have a real and nontrivial impact on driving performance, and, crucially, that the impact is associated with the cognitive demands of talking on the phone, so that hands-free sets don't really help. But your average decent driver isn't aware of that, and will often react with some indignation to the idea that she's doing something with that phone that isn't safe.

But the very best drivers I know, including the one who drives racing cars, unanimously refuse to touch the things, even in the simplest and least threatening traffic conditions. And it turns out to be precisely because they're such good drivers: they're aware enough of what they're doing at all times that they're also aware of the impact on their driving of trying to talk on the phone at the same time. Of course they're safer doing it than any of the people who don't feel themselves to be impaired at all when using the phone, but they can tell the difference. So they don't, even if they might like to if the impairment weren't a factor.

(At least with the race car driver, I'm not even theorizing from observed behavior; I happened to be with him when he got a phone call from his brother, who was driving and using a cell phone, and therefore got the benefit of both him telling his brother to stop that at once and call him when he wasn't trying to drive, and his rant afterward about cell phones and driving. It was interesting, and after that I started seeing the pattern and asking other drivers about it. Anecdotal, yes, but there was a perfect correlation in my sample between quality of driving and willingness to use a cell phone while doing it.)

All of which is to say, I don't think one needs to posit any traumatic experience with alcohol, or the kind of dislike of its effects that would have kept him from drinking if he'd been, say, a painter instead. But the intersection between his nature and what he does makes it inevitable in his own universe.

Or at least, so it seems to me; but that hardly puts the question beyond dispute. After all, I did start all of this off by saying that I'm not going to rule out a writer being able to convince me otherwise, at least for the purposes of a given story. And I meant it.

[rm.livejournal.com]

But alas, i continue to agree with you. Despite the fact that the people I fence with, despite being very serious and talented atheletes largely drink shocking amounts in social situations. Graned, they're not called to fight for real stakes at any moments. That said, it also occurs to me the fellow from that part of my life who most reminds me of Richard is the guy who has one drink at parties and leaves first.

[p-zeitgeist.livejournal.com]

Oh, hell. I was hoping that you'd be able to say, either to me or to yourself, Yeah, sounds good, but I have a killer counterargument! Or else, Yeah, but I can so make this work anyway!

All I can say now is, dude, next time I'm not arguing until after the story is written. If then. Because shooting down a promising storyline? So not what I came to LJ for.

[rm.livejournal.com]

No, I'm still trying to find a way around it and I have half an idea, it's just not quite working. Part of it is just how tolerant of alcohol would someone like Richard be? Even not being a drinker, probably fairly much so in a society where it's even more casually consumed than in ours. Couple that with assumed physical traits (physical density and fast metabolism from all that activity) and I'm tripping over this thing again. But I have this utterly fascinating image of him more innebriated than he wishes to be but into it. I just can't figure out how to make it work.

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

Well, don't feel too bad. Even though I also think you're right, and any mistaken assumption that Alec was responsible for a drugging would have to be cleared up so quickly as to not even be a plot point, there are several other Richard-and-dance story ideas floating around in conversation and waiting to be written. So it's not like you're shooting down promising storylines- you're just making them better.

[chthonicsiren.livejournal.com]

Mmm, Hugh.

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

Hee.