Change

[brigdh]

I'm moving to New York in a month- a month from yesterday, actually.

And it's just struck me that once I leave, I'll never live here again. Not that I'll never be here, but it'll be for a few days, or weeks; I'll visit. I won't live here, in this house or with my parents.

Not that I don't want to go, but I hate to think of good things ending permanently.

Comments

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know. Like I said, it's not that I don't want to go, it's just... I dunno. Such a big change!

Hee. Of course, I will have a roommate who might have an issue with that.

[aluragayle.livejournal.com]

I can relate to what you're feeling. I've always thought that we all have an inner rhythm, and that places have one, too. There are places that match your rhythm - perhaps simply because you've been there for so long, you're synchronized now. Or sometimes, they just fit with you.

I lived on campus four out of five years of college, and then in my first apartment off-campus - but was frequently home on the weekends. (It was only a little over an hour away.) Stillwater - the University town - was another of those places that matched my inner-rhythm, despite it's huge differences from where I grew up.

Two years ago, I moved to Florida - and I've lived in dissonance ever since. I can't harmonize with this place, and the discotent only builds.

Some people just call it homesickness, and I can see that. But when my mom or dad talks about the day they sell the house, or when they *knock on wood* pass away and what might become of it...I can't bear the ache just thinking of not having that place to return to. I know I could never go back there to live there - but that place, those memories and familiar halls, shadows, sounds, all those things that fill and make up the only house I'd ever lived in...it has always been there.

But someday, someone else's light will shine in my old window. Other kids will cover the driveway in chalk-drawings. The forsythia and honeysuckle will still bloom over the hill out back where my Bailey lies. Someone else will learn that song, that rhythm of my house and home.

It's a hard thing, to take those steps away from the door, even if you want to. It's hard to say "I'm on my way home" and know that you don't mean what has always been 'home' before.

I hope New York's song matches yours, and that you find wonderful harmony there. ♥! Change is hard; endings are hard and so are beginnings.

I ramble, and there might not really be any advice in there...but, I know how hard it is to leave home.

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

Oh, that's a nice theory. It does feel that way, that some places sing to you, and others simply don't. I like that idea.

No, I appreciate the thoughts. Thank you.

[eag.livejournal.com]

Wow, New York. :) That's exciting. But you know, never say never. You never know what the future's going to bring.

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

I am excited!

True. But since moving back in with my parents would most likely mean I've either failed out of school or couldn't find a job, I can only sort of hope that it doesn't happen. *laughs*

[eag.livejournal.com]

I'm sure it won't. :) I was just thinking, maybe after the success and glory, you might want to retire to a small town near family. ;)

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

Hee, good point.

[luckygohappy115.livejournal.com]

It's definitely hard to up & leave everything behind... I did it when I left for OSU and again when I left Columbus for good... and again when I got evicted from my first apartment.... not to mention the 5 or 6 other moves i've been through over the last couple years... and now that i'm about to leave for the army...

But anyways, good luck to you & have fun in New York!!

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

But dude, you're joining the army? I hadn't heard anything about that.

[b-hallward.livejournal.com]

Nostalgia etymologically means a longing to return home -- this situation is embedded in the word itself. *hugs*

On the other hand, New York sounds like a wonderful place to live -- in a way that can't be approximated by any visit, however long -- with so many little places to discover, unusual shops and restaurants and clubs. And you can get pretty much any type of food on earth! As take-out! And, really, isn't it all about the food?

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

Ah, I hadn't know that. That's lovely.

Oh, yes. I'm so excited! I've always wanted to live in New York, so it's too perfect for things to have worked out like this.

[rachelmanija.livejournal.com]

But on the positive side... wanna meet up when I visit in September?

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah! That'd be nice.

[p-zeitgeist.livejournal.com]

I hate to think of good things ending permanently too -- in fact, I hate it so much that when absolutely forced to contemplate it my mind races straight for the refuge of only-partially-understood concepts from physics. There is no ending permanently, I tell myself. If time is a dimension, things don't end; they merely are put away in some annoying place where you have trouble finding them again. It is the difference between being unable to find an earring, and giving up and putting on another one, and knowing that some burglar stole that earring. Which is to say, no difference at all in practice, but still somehow much less distressing. I can therefore only admire your not-in-denial-ness.

At least you're going somewhere good. When does school actually start? Will you have time to settle in and get used to the place before you have too much work to do?

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

*grins* Well, I don't know if I can quite take credit for being not in denial as a philosophical measure. It feels far more like needing to enjoy something as much as you can before it's over, which, since the biggest benefit of it is having free time to do nothing in, is actually rather difficult and is countermanded by trying to enjoy it. But I'm trying!

About ten days, which seems like a fairly long time. Definitely much more than in undergrad; I think we usually moved in three days before classes started.