My Hisoka...
May. 19th, 2003 02:17 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brigdhSo, there's this meme that's been going around Buffy-dom, to write a list about your character. Not canon, really, not fanon, not fanfiction, but bits and pieces of them all. Your dream character. Your muse. Your character.
Want examples? We got My Spike, My Angel, My Lilah, My Wesley, and My Buffy. And lots more, but I'm sick of looking up links.
Okay, got the idea? Then, here's
My Hisoka:
Still has the scars, all the time, and no, they do not disappear just because it would be so cute to put him in short sleeves for this scene, damnit.
Deeply resents having them, but wouldn't hide them with a spell, even if he knew how. Hiding things doesn't make them better, and if he can't forget, no one else should get to.
But also wouldn't ever show them to anyone, if he could manage it. Why would he display the visible reminders of his rape and murder?
Knows he's contradicting himself. Doesn't care.
Is kind of afraid that Tsuzuki finds them ugly.
Hates Muraki.
Really hates Muraki.
Would be very, very happy for the chance to kill Muraki, even though getting murdered was probably the best thing that ever happened to him.
Hates Muraki even more for that, that he has a nearly-not-quite justification.
Is incredibly, completely, entirely, always and forever, in love with Tsuzuki, though he isn't quite sure how or when that happened.
Is sure that if Tsuzuki died, he would too.
Is fine with that, though he does hope it won't be soon.
Would trade his empathy in a second for a power that actually did something, like Tsuzuki's Shikigami or Tatsumi's shadows.
Would, in fact, trade his empathy in a second for the chance to go to the mall just *once* without getting sick from the mass of people.
Spends more money on clothes and CDs and books and movies then he should, just because he can.
Is fashionable.
Sometimes wonders if that's some kind of defense mechanism, an attempt to at least *look* normal.
But usually thinks he just likes clothes.
Has hundreds of CDs, classical and punk and rap and pop and rock and everything that he can get his hands on, in almost-toppling piles everywhere, bought for their covers or one song or because he somewhere, sometime heard the group mentioned.
Began buying them just as something to play, background music to keep things from getting too quiet, but is starting to become a music snob.
Is less afraid of sex then most people think, but can't stand to be touched in anger or violence.
Resented Hijiri.
Mostly didn't understand Tsubaki-hime, but on a few things, understood her far too well for comfort.
Like being willing to die for love.
But is horrified that she would die for Muraki, even if he *knows* Tsuzuki is nothing like that.
Admires Tatsumi. Most of the time.
Isn't quite sure when his morbid fascination with Watari- his sex-potions and explosions and nicknames and animate machines and absolutely no respect for personal space- became genuine caring, but it happened.
Is really, really curious about the Gushoushin, but doesn't want to ask and seem rude.
Would never give up his house, the first and only place that was his.
However, wouldn't mind if Tsuzuki decided to move in.
Knows that he could live forever and still be dismissed as 'a kid' by some people.
Wishes he could make everyone who's dismissed him very sorry.
Is getting really, really sick of everyone finding him "pretty" or "beautiful" or "just like a girl!"
Finds Tsuzuki's hands amazingly attractive- that they can be equally reverent forming the shape of a prayer or summoning as when they're touching Hisoka.
Has nightmares.
Would rather go without sleep than let someone else see him wake up screaming and sweating.
Especially Tsuzuki, who would want to help even though there's nothing, really, for him to do.
Despite that, loves to sleep with Tsuzuki on days when there's nothing to do but spend hours in bed, warm and content and only half-awake, their legs tangled together.
Is slowly teaching himself how to cook and do laundry and the million other things he never had to know.
Won't ask anyone for help, even though this has led to ruined meals and shrunken clothes.
Can be fascinated by the simplest, ordinary things, like paying bills or getting groceries.
Knows the rules, theoretically, to Tag, but has never played it.
Knows that if Tsuzuki knew this, he would start a division-wide game just to draw Hisoka in.
Has considered letting it slip, to get the chance.
Tries to be annoyed by Tsuzuki's romantic tendencies, but can't help adoring them.
Even when it gets him soaked in a rainstorm or caught picking flowers.
Knows that nothing is actually that simple and good, but really, really wishes it was, and loves Tsuzuki for getting him to pretend he believes it.
Can't quite bring himself to be cheesy enough to carry a photo of Tsuzuki in his wallet, but does have one of the cards from when he 'won' him from Muraki.
Hasn't explained the card to anyone, even though Tsuzuki teased him when he saw it and didn't recognize it.
Doesn't cry. Ever, if he can help it. It takes death to get tears from him, and even then hates how weak it makes him feel.
Won't admit it, but understands Tsuzuki's suicide attempts rather more than anyone thinks. Three years is a long time.
Doesn't really understand why Tsuzuki would love him, out of all the people who've fallen for Tsuzuki, people more stable and smarter and stronger and just over-all better than Hisoka.
Sometimes, though, he can feel that love, see it, and then he believes it, even if he still doesn't understand it.
Hates his parents.
Hated them even before he found out about the whole "god-killer" thing.
Is glad that he'll never have children, because he's secretly terrified he would have turned out exactly like them.
Is aware that it's not quite healthy to hate this many people, but doesn't care.
Worries about how much of his personality is him, and how much is fucked up trauma from his life.
Is so in love with Tsuzuki that it sometimes scares him.
Which leads to him pushing him away.
Which always ends up with Tsuzuki hurt and Hisoka angry at himself.
Is finding love to be amazingly easier and harder than he expected.
Want examples? We got My Spike, My Angel, My Lilah, My Wesley, and My Buffy. And lots more, but I'm sick of looking up links.
Okay, got the idea? Then, here's
My Hisoka:
Still has the scars, all the time, and no, they do not disappear just because it would be so cute to put him in short sleeves for this scene, damnit.
Deeply resents having them, but wouldn't hide them with a spell, even if he knew how. Hiding things doesn't make them better, and if he can't forget, no one else should get to.
But also wouldn't ever show them to anyone, if he could manage it. Why would he display the visible reminders of his rape and murder?
Knows he's contradicting himself. Doesn't care.
Is kind of afraid that Tsuzuki finds them ugly.
Hates Muraki.
Really hates Muraki.
Would be very, very happy for the chance to kill Muraki, even though getting murdered was probably the best thing that ever happened to him.
Hates Muraki even more for that, that he has a nearly-not-quite justification.
Is incredibly, completely, entirely, always and forever, in love with Tsuzuki, though he isn't quite sure how or when that happened.
Is sure that if Tsuzuki died, he would too.
Is fine with that, though he does hope it won't be soon.
Would trade his empathy in a second for a power that actually did something, like Tsuzuki's Shikigami or Tatsumi's shadows.
Would, in fact, trade his empathy in a second for the chance to go to the mall just *once* without getting sick from the mass of people.
Spends more money on clothes and CDs and books and movies then he should, just because he can.
Is fashionable.
Sometimes wonders if that's some kind of defense mechanism, an attempt to at least *look* normal.
But usually thinks he just likes clothes.
Has hundreds of CDs, classical and punk and rap and pop and rock and everything that he can get his hands on, in almost-toppling piles everywhere, bought for their covers or one song or because he somewhere, sometime heard the group mentioned.
Began buying them just as something to play, background music to keep things from getting too quiet, but is starting to become a music snob.
Is less afraid of sex then most people think, but can't stand to be touched in anger or violence.
Resented Hijiri.
Mostly didn't understand Tsubaki-hime, but on a few things, understood her far too well for comfort.
Like being willing to die for love.
But is horrified that she would die for Muraki, even if he *knows* Tsuzuki is nothing like that.
Admires Tatsumi. Most of the time.
Isn't quite sure when his morbid fascination with Watari- his sex-potions and explosions and nicknames and animate machines and absolutely no respect for personal space- became genuine caring, but it happened.
Is really, really curious about the Gushoushin, but doesn't want to ask and seem rude.
Would never give up his house, the first and only place that was his.
However, wouldn't mind if Tsuzuki decided to move in.
Knows that he could live forever and still be dismissed as 'a kid' by some people.
Wishes he could make everyone who's dismissed him very sorry.
Is getting really, really sick of everyone finding him "pretty" or "beautiful" or "just like a girl!"
Finds Tsuzuki's hands amazingly attractive- that they can be equally reverent forming the shape of a prayer or summoning as when they're touching Hisoka.
Has nightmares.
Would rather go without sleep than let someone else see him wake up screaming and sweating.
Especially Tsuzuki, who would want to help even though there's nothing, really, for him to do.
Despite that, loves to sleep with Tsuzuki on days when there's nothing to do but spend hours in bed, warm and content and only half-awake, their legs tangled together.
Is slowly teaching himself how to cook and do laundry and the million other things he never had to know.
Won't ask anyone for help, even though this has led to ruined meals and shrunken clothes.
Can be fascinated by the simplest, ordinary things, like paying bills or getting groceries.
Knows the rules, theoretically, to Tag, but has never played it.
Knows that if Tsuzuki knew this, he would start a division-wide game just to draw Hisoka in.
Has considered letting it slip, to get the chance.
Tries to be annoyed by Tsuzuki's romantic tendencies, but can't help adoring them.
Even when it gets him soaked in a rainstorm or caught picking flowers.
Knows that nothing is actually that simple and good, but really, really wishes it was, and loves Tsuzuki for getting him to pretend he believes it.
Can't quite bring himself to be cheesy enough to carry a photo of Tsuzuki in his wallet, but does have one of the cards from when he 'won' him from Muraki.
Hasn't explained the card to anyone, even though Tsuzuki teased him when he saw it and didn't recognize it.
Doesn't cry. Ever, if he can help it. It takes death to get tears from him, and even then hates how weak it makes him feel.
Won't admit it, but understands Tsuzuki's suicide attempts rather more than anyone thinks. Three years is a long time.
Doesn't really understand why Tsuzuki would love him, out of all the people who've fallen for Tsuzuki, people more stable and smarter and stronger and just over-all better than Hisoka.
Sometimes, though, he can feel that love, see it, and then he believes it, even if he still doesn't understand it.
Hates his parents.
Hated them even before he found out about the whole "god-killer" thing.
Is glad that he'll never have children, because he's secretly terrified he would have turned out exactly like them.
Is aware that it's not quite healthy to hate this many people, but doesn't care.
Worries about how much of his personality is him, and how much is fucked up trauma from his life.
Is so in love with Tsuzuki that it sometimes scares him.
Which leads to him pushing him away.
Which always ends up with Tsuzuki hurt and Hisoka angry at himself.
Is finding love to be amazingly easier and harder than he expected.
