Writing meme
Oct. 10th, 2014 01:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Stealing a meme from tumlbr, because I think I like doing such things better over here. I can't quite decide! Tumblr is more active, but writing thoughts of more than a sentence or two is so much easier on LJ. I dunno.
Anyway! Meme: Pick any passage of 500 words or less from any fanfic I’ve written, and stick that selection in my ask/fan mail. I will then give you the equivalent of a DVD commentary on that snippet: what I was thinking when I wrote it, why I wrote it in the first place, what’s going on in the character’s heads, why I chose certain words, what this moment means in the context of the rest of the fic, lots of awful puns, and anything else that you’d expect to find on a DVD commentary track.
My fic on AO3
My fic on LJ
(It's the same stories at either site, it's just a matter of where one prefers to look.)
Anyway! Meme: Pick any passage of 500 words or less from any fanfic I’ve written, and stick that selection in my ask/fan mail. I will then give you the equivalent of a DVD commentary on that snippet: what I was thinking when I wrote it, why I wrote it in the first place, what’s going on in the character’s heads, why I chose certain words, what this moment means in the context of the rest of the fic, lots of awful puns, and anything else that you’d expect to find on a DVD commentary track.
My fic on AO3
My fic on LJ
(It's the same stories at either site, it's just a matter of where one prefers to look.)
no subject
Date: 2014-10-11 01:29 am (UTC)This morning he told her of how he'd met this new piano-player, whom he described with effusive quotations in multiple languages as Orpheus-like in his brilliance and grief; Rose took the portrayal with a grain of salt. But even given Hannibal's usual hyperbole, he seemed to have been remarkably impressed by the unnamed man's intelligence and humor; he called him kind and fascinating and earnest in a manner that was probably meant to be humorous, but which instead seemed painfully honest. He grew inward-looking as he spoke, his voice softening and the pauses between his sentences growing longer, until Rose suspected that he might have forgotten her presence. Finally he simply fell silent, as though he had run out of things to say, or perhaps even drifted off. But after a time he added, looking down at the hair ribbon he still idly toyed with, "He had very gentle hands."
"Oh," she said, abruptly rearranging everything she had assumed about Hannibal and his friend.
He jerked his gaze up to her, startled back into awareness. "I shouldn't have said that. Forgive me –"
"It's fine. I have read Catullus’s poetry." Even so, her knowledge of what men might do together had been dry and hypothetical; such things had happened long ago and far away to other people, not here and to someone she knew. The scents of coffee and cornbread filled the air, and sunlight had begun to creep down the wall opposite the window; little details for her to hang onto as her academic understanding shifted into a more genuine comprehension. Hannibal still seemed uncertain, so she smiled reassuringly and said, "It really is all right. In fact, I'm glad you told me." Surprisingly, she was. She was content with their chaste friendship and had no desire for Hannibal to flirt with her, but she found herself pleased to know that someone cared for him in a fashion he so obviously enjoyed.
Hannibal’s fear turned into embarrassment, and he sheepishly pushed his hair back from his shoulders and began to gather it into a queue, tying it with the ribbon. "Well. I hadn't planned to include it in my Latin lesson."
no subject
Date: 2014-10-11 06:46 pm (UTC)As I was saying to Chilla in the comments above, I think of my Benjamin January fic as being part of a series (though obviously I didn't write them in chronological order, nor do they need to be read that way, and they all are intended to work fine as stand-alones), and the general idea of this scene – that Rose knows about the existence of a Ben/Hannibal relationship before she's even met Ben – is one that I'm really fond of and that predates this story itself. It works to make her feel more sympathetic to Hannibal at this point (because he's admitted - even if accidentally! - a vulnerability to her), and it makes it easier for her to trust Ben later on (because she can see that he treats Hannibal well, so presumably he would do the same to her).
This morning he told her of how he'd met this new piano-player, whom he described with effusive quotations in multiple languages as Orpheus-like in his brilliance and grief;
Ben is totally Orpheus I am so into this comparison. I think at one point in canon Ben calls Hannibal Orpheus, but come on, it's totally Ben. I have strong feelings about this.
Anyway, even if Hannibal is being wildly inappropriate by talking to Rose about this (though he doesn't intend to include sexual part) he at least has the discretion to not use Ben's name. I also like the parallel of Hannibal thinking of Ben as "the piano-player", since Ben often calls him "the fiddler".
Rose took the portrayal with a grain of salt. But even given Hannibal's usual hyperbole, he seemed to have been remarkably impressed by the unnamed man's intelligence and humor; he called him kind and fascinating and earnest in a manner that was probably meant to be humorous, but which instead seemed painfully honest. He grew inward-looking as he spoke, his voice softening and the pauses between his sentences growing longer, until Rose suspected that he might have forgotten her presence. Finally he simply fell silent, as though he had run out of things to say, or perhaps even drifted off.
Since the previous section was in Ben's POV, I did want to be sure there was some indication of Hannibal's feelings in this story. And yeah, Hannibal would probably be genuinely pleased to have spent the night with more or less anyone who offered him the opportunity, but I wanted his connection with Ben to feel a little special, a little unusual. I like the word choice of 'earnest' in particular; Hannibal is an idealist who (at this point) has sort of given up on it and is pretending to be resigned and cynical about the world, and I think one of the reasons he's drawn to Ben is because Ben is an idealist who actually lives up to his beliefs and fights to improve things. (Not that Hannibal totally wouldn't help Ben hide a body or lie or steal or anything unethical Ben might ask of him, but I do think he very much looks up to Ben as a "good" person compared to himself.)
But after a time he added, looking down at the hair ribbon he still idly toyed with, "He had very gentle hands."
I tend to start my stories with a single line or image and then build outwards from there, and this piece of dialogue is one of the earliest bits of this story. I wrote it almost a year before the rest of the story, though I had to wait to find a place for it to go. I do like this line, even if I wrote it myself, ha. Ben is a big, strong guy, and I think you could reasonably write Hannibal as admiring that aspect of him, since Hannibal doesn't share that. But personally I think Hannibal is more likely to have had experience with people misusing their strength (he seems to get mugged, like, once a week), and so it's Ben's gentleness that he notices and appreciates more.
no subject
Date: 2014-10-11 06:46 pm (UTC)"Oh," she said, abruptly rearranging everything she had assumed about Hannibal and his friend.
He jerked his gaze up to her, startled back into awareness. "I shouldn't have said that. Forgive me –"
"It's fine. I have read Catullus’s poetry." Even so, her knowledge of what men might do together had been dry and hypothetical; such things had happened long ago and far away to other people, not here and to someone she knew. The scents of coffee and cornbread filled the air, and sunlight had begun to creep down the wall opposite the window; little details for her to hang onto as her academic understanding shifted into a more genuine comprehension.
I am interested in the issue of gayness in this time period, even though it's hardly been mentioned in my stories. I probably need to address it more, but to be honest, I find gay angst really hard to write because it's not something I can identify with. I am gay, actually, but it was such a non-issue in my own life that I can't quite grasp the denial/anger/pain many people seem to struggle with. Like, if I wrote it, it would just be parroting what I've heard other people say. On an intuitive level, I just don't get it well enough to write my own perspective on it. I'd be really interested if someone else wrote a Ben January fic about that though!
An additional problem is that I can't imagine Hannibal hasn't realized and dealt with any issues regarding his sexuality years and years ago, and I also prefer to imagine Ben as having had at least a little experience with men (which is just a personal preference thing for me; I prefer characters who know what they're doing, even though I know a lot of fic likes to take advantage of the inexperienced or new or unique angle. Which is part of the popularity of soul-bonds or WNGWJLEO fic, I think). So it's not a new and pressing issue for either of them, and therefore they don't think about it that much. Rose, however, I could see sexuality coming up as a thing she still has to consider and figure out her feelings on, even though here it's not her own sexuality that's the issue.
Hannibal still seemed uncertain, so she smiled reassuringly and said, "It really is all right. In fact, I'm glad you told me." Surprisingly, she was. She was content with their chaste friendship and had no desire for Hannibal to flirt with her, but she found herself pleased to know that someone cared for him in a fashion he so obviously enjoyed.
Hannibal’s fear turned into embarrassment, and he sheepishly pushed his hair back from his shoulders and began to gather it into a queue, tying it with the ribbon. "Well. I hadn't planned to include it in my Latin lesson."
The ribbon's just really all throug this scene in order for them to have something to do to break up the lines of dialogue, but I ended up being oddly fond of it nonetheless. I'm amused by all the scenes in canon where Ben's constantly noting what Hannibal's doing with his hair or how he's wearing it; it's sort of an intimate little thing too, to sit by someone while they comb their hair or rearrange it, and wearing someone else's ribbon is even moreso. It's almost like Hannibal has a little flag of allegiance to Rose's school. I mean, neither of them are thinking of it that way, but I'm amused by it.
no subject
Date: 2014-10-12 04:39 pm (UTC)And I'm in the same boat as you in regards to being interested in fics that talk about historical attitudes towards sexuality/the angst inherent in this, but not feeling like I could write them myself. I've been really lucky in people's reactions to my sexuality, and I don't think I'd be able to write it convincingly!
no subject
Date: 2014-10-13 06:13 pm (UTC)