OMG so relieved.
Jan. 27th, 2005 05:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brigdhI'm taking this grad school class- as in, a class offered only to graduate students, not a class about grad school- that I got into by convincing the professor to grant me special permission, and I have been so very, very worried about it. For one thing, there's only five other students in it- so no chance of hiding behind someone and pretending that I know what's going on- and they are all, of course, grad students. On the first day, when asked about their personal interests, they answered with things like, "I study mortuary remains from medieval period Poland, focusing on dental indicators of health and mortality as an measure of population change".
My answer? Something like, "I, um... don't actually... have a specialization. As such."
This is why I was frightened of the class. I was certain that I simply wasn't smart enough to be in it; I couldn't compete at this level. It didn't help that today was the true class session, even though it's the fourth week of the quarter. So much bad luck conspired against us. First of all, the class is only once a week. The first session you never do anything: how could you? No one has the readings or assignments yet. The second week, the professor was sick. On the third week, there was a huge confusion over the fact that the classroom and time was changed, causing people to realize that we were having class only after most of the allotted time has passed. So, we haven't managed to actually have class before today. Instead, I was left alone with the readings, which in no way providing comfort about my personal abilities. They provided whatever the anithesis of comfort is. They are terrifying. I was absolutely convinced that I couldn't handle it, and I would have to drop out, and then I would be unable to graduate when I had planned, and it would be all kinds of badness. Let me quote for you:
Having elucidated the locations of the centers in terms of the economics of tribute mobilization, Steponaitis turned to the specification of settlement sizes relative to the local productivity as depicted by Brumfiel, constructing an elegant algebraic model in which the disparities between the productivity-to-population ratios of large centers versus small centers versus villages were functions of tribute extraction rates.
See? That's a single sentence from the very first assigned reading; there's a fun welcome to a class. Imagine about a hundred pages of that per week. Granted, they're not all this bad, but none of them could be described, by any stretch of the imagination, as easy reading. I was dreading dealing with this class.
But today! We actually, finally, had class. And within the first ten or so minutes someone asked a question to clarify a point, and I heard the girl sitting next to me whisper to her friend, "I have no idea what we're talking about. This is too complicated." But I knew what we were talking about! I understood it- I even had something to contribute! And throughout the class, I had all sorts of things to say and questions to ask and things to point out. A lot of the class was nothing more than explaining the articles, too, which made me feel much better about having so much trouble working through them- the professor would read a paragraph, and then we'd talk about what it meant. And I could tell that I understood it just as well, if not better than, most of the people in class.
I'm not going to fail! I am so happy! I love everyone! My joy knows no bounds!
*ahem* Okay, I'm done. I just had to share that.
OMG OMG SO HAPPY.
My answer? Something like, "I, um... don't actually... have a specialization. As such."
This is why I was frightened of the class. I was certain that I simply wasn't smart enough to be in it; I couldn't compete at this level. It didn't help that today was the true class session, even though it's the fourth week of the quarter. So much bad luck conspired against us. First of all, the class is only once a week. The first session you never do anything: how could you? No one has the readings or assignments yet. The second week, the professor was sick. On the third week, there was a huge confusion over the fact that the classroom and time was changed, causing people to realize that we were having class only after most of the allotted time has passed. So, we haven't managed to actually have class before today. Instead, I was left alone with the readings, which in no way providing comfort about my personal abilities. They provided whatever the anithesis of comfort is. They are terrifying. I was absolutely convinced that I couldn't handle it, and I would have to drop out, and then I would be unable to graduate when I had planned, and it would be all kinds of badness. Let me quote for you:
Having elucidated the locations of the centers in terms of the economics of tribute mobilization, Steponaitis turned to the specification of settlement sizes relative to the local productivity as depicted by Brumfiel, constructing an elegant algebraic model in which the disparities between the productivity-to-population ratios of large centers versus small centers versus villages were functions of tribute extraction rates.
See? That's a single sentence from the very first assigned reading; there's a fun welcome to a class. Imagine about a hundred pages of that per week. Granted, they're not all this bad, but none of them could be described, by any stretch of the imagination, as easy reading. I was dreading dealing with this class.
But today! We actually, finally, had class. And within the first ten or so minutes someone asked a question to clarify a point, and I heard the girl sitting next to me whisper to her friend, "I have no idea what we're talking about. This is too complicated." But I knew what we were talking about! I understood it- I even had something to contribute! And throughout the class, I had all sorts of things to say and questions to ask and things to point out. A lot of the class was nothing more than explaining the articles, too, which made me feel much better about having so much trouble working through them- the professor would read a paragraph, and then we'd talk about what it meant. And I could tell that I understood it just as well, if not better than, most of the people in class.
I'm not going to fail! I am so happy! I love everyone! My joy knows no bounds!
*ahem* Okay, I'm done. I just had to share that.
OMG OMG SO HAPPY.
