Oh, a fun meme.

[brigdh]

Gacked from several people:

If there is any question you would like to ask me about any one of my fics, then go ahead! What I meant by a particular line, why I chose that characterisation, what I was listening to as I wrote, what crack I was taking and where you can get some...anything. Anything you might like to know about how I wrote a fic, I shall do my best to answer.

Comments

[mistressrenet.livejournal.com]

What's the best thing about writing ClubSoka? What really satisfies you about it?

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

Oh, interesting. I like AUs in general, so there's that. And it hits my story-buttons in several ways: clubs, dancing, a character who's willfully, violently self-destructive, despair, and an eventual, hard-fought-for happy ending.

There's other reasons too, such as the fact that I get to use winter (which I hate) as the big symbol of everything that is bad and painful, or exploring Nagare's character. And I have a kink for rough sex scenes, desperate, up-against-the-wall type fucking, which is nearly impossible in canon, because of Hisoka's past. You know, I'm becoming more and more convinced that canon-Hisoka has serious body issues. Take the scene in the KoS arc where he tells Tsubaki-hime he's a shinigami. There had to be a better way to prove it then stabbing himself.

It also feels- to me, at least- to have a very visual style, more movie than novel. And I like writing that.

[mistressrenet.livejournal.com]

You know, I'm becoming more and more convinced that canon-Hisoka has serious body issues.
Oh, absolutely. Remember the bit in the baths in Hokkaido where he's angsting about that never-changing teen body of his?

Cool. Glad I asked.

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

Remember the bit in the baths in Hokkaido where he's angsting about that never-changing teen body of his?

Oh, yeah, I'd forgotten that scene. Good point. Between the rape and the curse marks and the empathy, he has got to have all kinds of trauma associated with his body or touching.

[mistressrenet.livejournal.com]

And once again I say, "poor kid."

[b-hallward.livejournal.com]

I've actually got two questions (oooh, you rebel, you).
1) What story of yours are you most proud of?
2) In Got the Poison, why did you have Hisoka basically force Tsuzuki to tell him that comfortable lie at the end?

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

What story of yours are you most proud of?

Hmm. Five Things That Never Happened to Hisoka, probably, though I have a weird habit of completely dissociating, myself from stories once I've finished them, and refusing to even go back and read them again.

In Got the Poison, why did you have Hisoka basically force Tsuzuki to tell him that comfortable lie at the end?

Got the Poison is definitely not the work I'm proudest of. It's unedited, unbeta'd, and was written in one rush on a bad day (which I suppose completely contradicts what I was saying over in your post about not writing while I'm emotional, though it does prove my point about emotional writing just being bad rather than cathartic). I'd take it down, but I don't like to throw writing away. And because I'm lazy enough to not want to deal with recoding my website- witness the fact that it's had the same layout for nearly three years.

Anyway, to get to the point: despite Hisoka's canon distaste for reassuring lies, everyone needs comfort sometimes. And between the stress of the day and the topic- because I think one of the very few things Hisoka fears is losing Tsuzuki, particularly in way that he would blame on his own 'failure' to be a good enough partner- I think you could drive Hisoka to the point where he'd want to hear a promise like that, even if he knows it's not true. *shrugs* That's my explanation, but I don't think I'd write it the same now.

[b-hallward.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you didn't take it down (even though, yes, there are stories of mine I feel like doing just that to *cough*The Lie*cough*). It always irritates me when I go looking for a story I remember reading and find the author has systemically removed it from the web.

>>habit of completely dissociating
Hmm. You really don't read your stories again? I'm just the opposite, I can never let them go. I don't let myself fiddle with them beyond fixing typos (online at least). But all that means is that I carry around in my head a little list for each story of all the things I'd change -- the lists keep growing and growing *smiles* That's why I give myself a time limit on editing, or I'd never post anything!

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

even though, yes, there are stories of mine I feel like doing just that to *cough*The Lie*cough*).

Ah, no! I adore The Lie. Did you see the rec for it here (http://www.livejournal.com/users/untrue_accounts/14834.html)? (Which reminds me: you also got put on crack_van here (http://www.livejournal.com/community/crack_van/613183.html).) I love it because I feel it's one of the few fics that really puts care and thought into how Hisoka would deal with a sexual relationship.

But all that means is that I carry around in my head a little list for each story of all the things I'd change -- the lists keep growing and growing

Heh, that's why I can't let myself reread stories. All I'll see is the little mistakes, and new ways of phrasing things, and details of characterization I dislike, and since I also won't change anything once the story's been 'published', it'll just make me depressed. And then I start wondering how anyone else could possibly have liked it, and if the feedback I get are really just people patronizing me and I'm missing out on some big joke, and it's all a downward spiral. Better to ignore the reality of them and stick with my memories of writing it, in which the story is always rosy and perfect, of course. *grins*

[b-hallward.livejournal.com]

>>how Hisoka would deal with a sexual relationship.

Well, if there's anything I still am satisfied with in that story, it's that it at least tries to present an (IMHO) under-represented POV on Hisoka as a sexual being -- I wrote it as a protest (apparently I'm equally guilty of writing under the influence of unduly strong emotions for all my protestations to the contrary.) I really hope other people'll write much better stories dealing with some of the same issues (not that I don't love a good snuggle-fest, but I don't think it'll ever be that uncomplicated without the two of them wading through a whole lot'a issues first -- and dark!fic aren't better really, usually more unrealistic. (Okay, okay, I'll stop ranting *winks*)

>>All I'll see is the little mistakes
Apparently you're either smarter or more self-discipled (or both *grins*) 'cause I just can't help obsessing over my old stuff. I keep telling myself ah, come on, move on with your life, let it go, but alas to no avail.

>>Which reminds me...
Hey, thanks for the heads up. You see, I have this insatiable appetite for feedback in any and all forms.

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

I really hope other people'll write much better stories dealing with some of the same issues (not that I don't love a good snuggle-fest, but I don't think it'll ever be that uncomplicated without the two of them wading through a whole lot'a issues first -- and dark!fic aren't better really, usually more unrealistic. *cough*excuses,excuses*cough*

I agree. And I'm more than guilty of it myself, I know- I try to get around things by either setting stories much later in their relationship, or if I have to write a first-time, setting in in Tsuzuki's POV. In which I tell myself that surely Hisoka's thinking all sorts of traumatized things, even if the reader doesn't know it.

At some point, though, I'm going to have to write a first-time story that I actually like, if only for my own guilty conscience.

Yours, though, I adore. Whenever I need a history for them- not because it'll actually make a difference in the fic, but for my own mental stability- I think of it as something like that.

[b-hallward.livejournal.com]

>>I'm going to have to write a first-time story that I actually like, if only for my own guilty conscience.

Ooo, I'd be more than happy to feed your guilt demons, if it means I'd get that fic from you sooner than not. is only half kidding