Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk
Jun. 3rd, 2005 12:47 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brigdhI want to update, but I have nothing to say. That... sort of creates a problem.
I decided that I was going to buy cigarettes last weekend (and I swear to god, if one more person I tell this story to responds with "You! Smoking? I can't believe it!" I'm going to... attempt to change my image as a total innocent, apparently). I'd never actually smoked one. I've frequented a hookah place on campus, and I've smoked other, um, things, if you know what I mean, but never cigarettes, for whatever reason. My mom and grandparents smoke, so it wasn't something cool that I needed to rebel and do.
But I like to try new things. Over long periods of time, it starts to bug me if there's something I could do but never have: what if I really liked it? What if I needed to write about it? What if I never got the chance to try it again? Plus, I think I sort of wanted to prove to myself that I could do it.
So, my decision: I like everything about smoking except the actual smoking. I like holding a cigarette; I like lighting it and feeling suave; I like having something to do with my hands and having an accessory to my every gesture and statement. And it magnifies your personality enormously. If you smoke while smiling and looking friendly, it seems like every person who walks by wants to come over and bum a light and chat. If you want to be left alone, smoking with a scowl will cause people to cross the street to get away from you. I really like the excuse to simply stand around outside, in the sunshine or watching the clouds or looking out to the city's skyline. Try doing that without a cigarette in hand and people start to give you weird looks. I like the way it smells while the cigarettes lit; for some reason I can't explain, something about it reminds me of apples.
But I don't like the way the smoke tastes like ashes in my mouth: warm and dry and curiously soft. It makes my throat hurt. And I don't like the way it makes me smell. It seems to take about ten minutes for the enjoyment of the smell to fade, and then suddenly I realize it's in my hair it's in my clothes it's on my skin I can't stop smelling it get it off nownownow. And I don't have the time for three emergency showers a day.
I don't think I'd make a good smoker; I'm too cheap, in the end. But if there was a cigarette that you didn't have to smoke, but could just hold while it burned, I'd be all about that.
I decided that I was going to buy cigarettes last weekend (and I swear to god, if one more person I tell this story to responds with "You! Smoking? I can't believe it!" I'm going to... attempt to change my image as a total innocent, apparently). I'd never actually smoked one. I've frequented a hookah place on campus, and I've smoked other, um, things, if you know what I mean, but never cigarettes, for whatever reason. My mom and grandparents smoke, so it wasn't something cool that I needed to rebel and do.
But I like to try new things. Over long periods of time, it starts to bug me if there's something I could do but never have: what if I really liked it? What if I needed to write about it? What if I never got the chance to try it again? Plus, I think I sort of wanted to prove to myself that I could do it.
So, my decision: I like everything about smoking except the actual smoking. I like holding a cigarette; I like lighting it and feeling suave; I like having something to do with my hands and having an accessory to my every gesture and statement. And it magnifies your personality enormously. If you smoke while smiling and looking friendly, it seems like every person who walks by wants to come over and bum a light and chat. If you want to be left alone, smoking with a scowl will cause people to cross the street to get away from you. I really like the excuse to simply stand around outside, in the sunshine or watching the clouds or looking out to the city's skyline. Try doing that without a cigarette in hand and people start to give you weird looks. I like the way it smells while the cigarettes lit; for some reason I can't explain, something about it reminds me of apples.
But I don't like the way the smoke tastes like ashes in my mouth: warm and dry and curiously soft. It makes my throat hurt. And I don't like the way it makes me smell. It seems to take about ten minutes for the enjoyment of the smell to fade, and then suddenly I realize it's in my hair it's in my clothes it's on my skin I can't stop smelling it get it off nownownow. And I don't have the time for three emergency showers a day.
I don't think I'd make a good smoker; I'm too cheap, in the end. But if there was a cigarette that you didn't have to smoke, but could just hold while it burned, I'd be all about that.
