Conversations I have been in recently

[brigdh]

My brother: I don't know what I'm going to major in.
My cousin the idiot slut (star of other stories, which I would link to if I wasn't being lazy): You should be a doctor! We need to have at least one doctor in the family.
Me: Uh, hello? I'm in the family. I'm getting a doctorate.
My cousin the idiot slut: No, I mean a handsome male doctor. Like McDreamy!
My brother and me: ...
My brother: And you think I'm the person to fill this role?

***

My cousin the idiot slut (who, to make this story better, had a George Bush life-size cardboard figure at her graduation party a few years ago): I'm fine with it. I like Will & Grace. I am down with the rainbow!

***

My mother: *in regards to one of my little cousins being in a pageant* And she was shoving all the other angels around, telling them where to go. It was just like Brigdh-
Me: This is the sixth time you have told this story. Stop telling this story.
My mother: You always had to be in charge, directing everyone...
Me: It is not my fault if other people are incompetent!

***

My brother: Let's go to Walmart.
Me: No.
My brother: Why not? One-stop shopping: get everything you need.
Me: Except for your soul.
My brother: Damn you and your morals! You're the least ethical person I know, but you're going to take a stand on where you shop?
Me: How am I the least ethical person you know?
My brother: Wait.
*ten minutes later*
My brother: *standing innocently nearby*
Me: *spills food on new shirt* Damn. You know, when mom walks over here, I think I'll tell her this is your fault, to see if she yells at you.
My brother: See? No ethics! All evil!
Me: Only for you, dear-heart.

***

My brother: *punches me in the stomach*
Me: *slaps him in the head*
My brother: *stomps on my foot*
Me: *kicks his knee in*
My brother: *attempts to slam me into the wall*
My mother: Hey! Stop that!
Me and my brother: *separate*
My mother: This is why she doesn't like boys.
My brother: Oh, now it's my fault?
Me: He turned me gay.

Comments

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

Hee. We'll have to introduce them.

He just turned 19.

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

*dies* Oh, man. That is totally something my mom would do. Our favorite story about her is when my brother, my dad and I were talking about metrosexuals, and she tried to join in, but clearly had no idea what was going on. "Mom, hush!" my brother said. "You don't even know what metrosexual means!"

"Yes, I do. It's someone who has sex on trains."

And now whenever we want to make fun of her, we repeat that line.

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

Oh, man, now I do want to hear this story.

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

Dude. DUDE. Why do you have so many cool stories?

1 word

[rm.livejournal.com]

Me: *spills food on new shirt* Damn. You know, when mom walks over here, I think I'll tell her this is your fault, to see if she yells at you.
My brother: See? No ethics! All evil!
Me: Only for you, dear-heart.

Alec.

*dies laughing*

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

His habit of calling people things like "my dear soul" when he's being particularly sarcastic freaks me out, because I have been doing the same thing for years. And I don't even have the excuse of living with vaguely English nobility-type people to make it a habit that makes sense.

[parallactic.livejournal.com]

LOL! Your family is funny.

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It is mostly just my immediate family though; our cousins watch with confused stares most of the time. Or contribute such fascinating examples of sexism and homophobia for me to share with others.

It does make me wonder what they say about us behind our backs, though.

[veleda-k.livejournal.com]

Story the second:

I am down with the rainbow!

That line sounds like it could have come directly from an episode of Will and Grace. I guess she does like the show. Though in Will and Grace, it would have meant to be humorous.

Story the third:

Sounds like me. Well, me some of the time. Half of the time I'm utterly passive, waiting for someone to tell me what to do, and the other half I'm, "All right! You are going to do this my way, and you are going to like it!"

Story the fourth:

My brother: Why not? One-stop shopping: get everything you need.
Me: Except for your soul.

A person after my own heart!

Story the fifth:

Hm, I wonder if I could blame my queerness on my brother.

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

That line sounds like it could have come directly from an episode of Will and Grace.

Doesn't it? It's that she could say it with such dead seriousness that scares me. Not that I'm fond of her anyway...

Dude, Walmart is evil; I've tried not to shop there for years now, though my resolve broke one time when I was out in Nevada and it was literally the only store with the supplies I needed for hundreds of miles.

Hm, I wonder if I could blame my queerness on my brother.

Only if he beats you up, apparently! *laughs*

[kessie.livejournal.com]

Win. XD

Your brother sounds sweet, in a brother-ish kind of way. :D

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

Hee. He's alright, as long as I don't have to spend extended periods of time with him. After a week or so, he goes from being funny to extremely annoying.

[childofatlantis.livejournal.com]

The last one cracks me the hell up. :D

[wordsofastory.livejournal.com]

*grins* My family is occasionally cool.