If she knew (and it sounds like she did) then maybe she was knowingly playing those games. I don't know her, but I did know some highschoolers who played that game. Making racist jokes around people who weren't that color, but had friends who were, for instance, just to get a rise out them--the 'hey I'm just kidding around' game. Maybe it was her way, at the time, of telling you to stay in the closet. Does that sound harsh? I don't know, but that's my gut instinct.

I do know that in my highschool, suspected gays received very graphic death threats, which the school then hushed up. Do not *dare* beat yourself up for not being more direct. Code words, testing the waters, indirectness, are all important tools of self protection.